God and the world

why did God create humans? it's one of the first things that pop into my mind whenever there's a theological discussion, and so far, no one's given me a reasonable answer, heck even a silly answer would have sufficed, like God made us on a whim, or He made us just so we can destroy the earth and have Him make a new one, or that it's interesting to see how all these humans interact with each other, like an ant farm project. its easy for Christians to give answers to why they themselves were created, simply by stating that they are a conduit for God's Will on earth, or that God must have SOME purpose in making them, and they will realize it by living through His Words.

but what happens to the others who don't share their beliefs? i know its the age-old religious conflicts that's said to be as old as time, but they are as valid now as they were before, even with the concept of free religion. no matter what happens, a belief in one religion automatically invalidates another, since there is no way to reconcile 2 different doctrines together, sure there are parallels, but people always want to be picky about details. and that's what bothers me, along with the supposed purpose of the human race in existing. why did God create all those different religions? or is it that these were just a result of human interaction and have nothing to do with Him whatsoever? which doesn't make sense since that would mean some of the humans He has created have the purpose of creating conflict. so are they doomed to eternal damnation for having fulfilled His purpose?

truth to tell all these thoughts are just a manifestation of my aimlessness, an offshoot of uncertainty in a world full of uncertainties. where no one is universally right or wrong, and there's no real way to discern your purpose in life. that's why i envy the single-minded people, who don't let these thoughts bother them, and just go through life in the way they know to be right.

other people

lately i've been hanging out with the same group of friends from high school, if lately means for the past 2 years. during that time i hardly ever saw my college buds, or any other friends for that matter, since they were all busy and i was pretty comfy already with my hangout buddies.

well, what makes it easier is the fact that these guys are always free. not just some of the time, but any time. and that something special about them is that they are, more or less, bums. either recently graduated, still studying albeit moderately, or in between jobs for quite a while. of course, this sometimes leads to a lack of sensitivity to our situations, and also the fact that 3 young adults with nothing to do are bound to cause some sort of problem. like hanging out at their high school, corrupting a younger generation and whatnot. now i don't condone nor condemn, but it's a different viewpoint from my college buds, who are quite career oriented right now, which is one of the reasons i have a bit of difficulty fitting in, what with being stuck in semi-bumness mode by joining the family business as an executive assistant. hearing them talk about who's working where, what kind of work they're doing for the company, or even just them talking makes me feel that i'm missing out on this exciting world where you actually do things, if that makes any sense, and the fact that they all have larger salaries than i do, and that kinda digs it in.


last night i went to this singles church ministry, just to see what it was like, and also partly because i haven't actually spoken to someone i don't know for the longest time. and, well, it was basically a church service, although there were a few quirks, like semi-gameshow games, like spelling out things using people, skits, singing and whatnot. there's also a sharing part where you get into groups of 5 and they give you these 'profound' questions about life and God and how it all relates to you. that i wasn't too fond of, if people have noticed that i keep things to myself, that's basically because i DO keep things to myself.

one thing i noticed though is that it doesn't matter where you are, what church you're in, but all the formulas are basically the same. all Christian ministries have the same feel, use the same words, try to evoke the same emotions, so i, having graduated from a christian school, could just as easily play along with what i've learned during high school. thing is, even the 'way' they say things are similar, and then it hits you that all of them are basically the same. that everyone's voice changes from when they're just talking and they're sharing, that all pastors put the same emphasis on the same words when they preach, and praise and worship songs either sound old or overly cheerful, and those that aren't never seem to be as good as secular songs, and they always have a common theme when it comes to their lyrics.

and that's when it hits you that Christians are probably all similar wherever you go, and that's why they always stress their feeling of being a community.

on family businesses

how do you go about telling your parents you have no intention of continuing in the family business? i've been working here since i graduated, which adds up to about 2 years. in that 2 years' time, i've done little but check over paperwork, production, and sales reports. also there's the coordinating with our programmer to implement the new database/sales/inventory system. during that 2 years i have been sustained by the hope that eventually i'd have enough guts and self-esteem to go about 'seriously' searching for a job outside my comfort zone. problem is, my parents have no inkling of this desire of mine to go explore my possibilities, and now my mom is pushing me towards the sales department, meaning i'd have to actually 'talk' to people and interact with them, putting my name on the line of the business. people who know me know that i'm more a background kinda guy, not the person they'd trust to be in the limelight, and i've never wanted to be in the limelight. of course, it doesn't help that our office is full of people more than 10 years my senior at the very least.

business means sales, in most every aspect, and my 'fear' or discomfort at would not bode well with my professional life.

and i still don't know what i want to do. which would make it even more difficult for me when it comes time to explain what i would rather be doing than staying in the family business.

extended laziness

periods where you are left all alone to your own devices tend to show you who you really are. its always different when there's an authority figure that keeps track of your every move than when there's no one else around. on the other hand, its also a different story when there IS someone else around who's relatively in the same position as you are.

2 weeks ago my parents left for hk for 5 days, in which 3 of those days were work days. so basically i was alone in the office with my sister, who's recently graduated and 'helping out' in minding the office. now this wasn't the first time that this situation was thrust on me, but it was the first time that i had my sister along for the ride. predictably, almost any drive for work i had went out the window when monday rolled around. so except for the very basic neccesities, we basically lounged around. and it struck me how different it was when i was in the same situation all alone. its as if having someone else around who could potentially do my work along with me made me lose all interest in working. bad news is, the feeling still hasn't left me, 2 week after my parents have returned already. so i spend my days unproductively encoding some stuff while watching Scrubs on the side, or chatting, or making excuses like walking the dog.

i really need a life, not the pretend one i seem to be living through but a life where i actually go and do something that i should. not that i shouldn't be working in my parent's office, but that i should be working on something that i actually feel like doing and doing it well.

on the other hand my head seems to be so full that i'm having 'helmet' sensations, where it feels like i'm wearing a tight helmet on my head and its cramping my brain. i don't know if its a full blown migraine or whatnot, but its a weird feeling, its not painful or anything, just weird. i asked around and a friend of mine said it could be stress related, but with my current lifestyle, it seems highly unlikely, since that lifestyle consists of sitting down behind my desk and trying to look busy.

beginnings and endings

this is my new blog. it is new. it's in blogspot. and that's it for short, obvious sentences. part of the reason for this new blog is that my xanga premium is about to expire, and also because i was curious about the whole beta blogger thingie and their tie-up with google and what it would mean for me as the end-user. yes, curiosity got the best of me and here i am, back again in blogger, where my blogging odysee began.

those looking for constructive thought in this particular blog, be ready to wade through tons of nonsensical snide remarks, side comments, and gibberish from yours truly in your search for original thought. for the mildly curious i offer a cornucopiea of fleeting ideas and a modicum of reason just to add that extra bit of spice.

till the next installment, i bid thee au revoir.